Po-Boy
View
By
Phil
LaMancusa
Parlay
Vous
Or
Waggin’
the Dog
I talked it over with my dog and I suggested that as soon
as we can we should go to France. Together. She’s dubious and underwhelmed and
I can see that I’ll have to sell this.
One of the side bars of the voluntary-semi-nonmedical-stay-at-home
self-quarantines, besides a lot of time on my hands, is my new found ability
(and inclination) to converse with things around me, animate and in(animate).
To the dishes in the sink: “What are you looking at?” To my Italian pepper
plant: “Stop already, I have enough @#%$%^& peppers!” To my refrigerator: “That’s
the LAST beer?” To my dog: “Hey Scout, wanna go to France?”
Scout doesn’t know what a “France” is, so I explain. “We
go to the airport, get on an airplane and fly for a while to where they eat
different food, speak a different language and do different things”. “You mean like Fairhope Alabama?” She
asks. “Kinda.” I say.
“What’s an
airplane?” “It’s like a bus that goes in the air like a bird”. A very pregnant silence ensues. Then: “Do
I sit in a seat, like in the car?” “How do you feel about riding in another
room on the plane with the suitcases?” “I
don’t think I’d like that.” “Okay, I’ll ask the vet if she’ll get you an
exemption, like as a ‘companion’ dog.” “Good.
Is it a long time away?” “About half a day in the plane and then another
half a day on a train.” “Why can’t we
take the car?”
“Will I eat? What
if I have to pee? Can I sit on your lap? Will there be treats?” “Yes and
no, you’ll probably be asleep the whole time, one minute you’ll be home and the
next you’ll be in France, we’re going to a little town called Angais, we’ll
stay in a hotel.” “You mean like
Fairhope?” “Kinda.”
“Is Mom coming?” “Sure
thing, Buddy.” “What about the cats?”
“The cats have to stay home”. “Will there
be cats? I like cats, I have four. What will be for supper? Can I still sleep
in bed with you?”
“Well, we’ll mostly
be eating out, but here’s the good news, you’ll be able to come into the
restaurants and café with us; you see, in France they believe that canines are
to be welcome everywhere, even where you eat out.” “Really?”
“Here’s the other things, the language there is mostly
foreign to me so I won’t be talking with other people as much, you’ll get lots
of attention because many people there won’t know what I’m saying either. We’ve
(your Mom and I) have been to major attractions in France and this time we’re
just going to chill, have walkabouts, drink in the scenery and eat some great
food; once we’re over there we’ll be eating cheeses and pastries and breads and
we’ll see if we can rent a little place with a kitchen so that we can have coffee
and croissants in the morning, fresh from the boulongerie, that’s what they
call a bakery; we’ll drink wine in the afternoon at lunch and have Pastis with
warm water in the afternoon. We’ll go boating on the river and introduce you to
any new friends we make; we won’t know anyone there, it will all be new.”
“Can we still have
Happy Hour at night with beer and potato chips and treats like at home?” Am I
gonna like this France place? I don’t know about this Angais place.”
“Well, Angais is a
small town in a bigger area, it’s a kinda nothing to do place but that’s what
we want, eh? There’re other towns around
it, unless you’d rather stay in the country; oh, there’s also mountains and a
beret museum. I saw some in-town places for rent in a place called Pau where
we’d walk around and shop and stuff like we do in the French Quarter and some
country places in case you want the great outdoors, names like Asson, Peyrouse
and Ferrieres. I’m gonna leave it up to you, it doesn’t make much difference to
me.” “Then why are we going?”
“Listen Scoute (that’s your name in French), this year has been a real wear on me; the world has had
sickness and trouble in the streets, we’ve had politicians fighting and calling
each other names up to here and storms blowing through and remember when our
street flooded and we’ve had to stay home and wear stuff on our faces? I’ve
been out of work, we’ve had no visitors and I watch the news all the time on
television and read the newspaper and I’m sure that I haven’t been much fun and
we don’t go for walks as often or go riding in the car as much. And the year isn’t even over yet! And there
goes that damn phone again! I just want to be someplace where I don’t know the
language, the politics, the currency and I can get amnesia. I’ll take my sketch
pad and some inks and maybe draw a lot of what I see. We’ll take pictures.
We’ll take naps. “What’s amnesia?” “All of
what I just said.”
I had to stop here and answer the person on the phone who
wanted to cancel my student loan debt even though I’ve been out of school since
Washington crossed the Delaware and besides, Scout was at the front porch
barking at the postal delivery person; a daily ritual for her. She came back
in, wagging her tail and said “why don’t
we just go to Fairhope? I bet you can get some amnesia there!”
Well, you know, when
your dog is smarter than you are you have to give it to her. “Okay….Scout, you
wanna go to Fairhope? “Yippee!” “Okay,
let’s go tell your Mom.”
“I love you Dad!” Je
t’aime aussi Cherie.”
