Me For Mayor

Po Boy Views

By

Phil LaMancusa

Supreme Commander

Or

Hizzonah Myself

            So you want to know what I would do as your next Mayor? Well, I don’t blame you; as y’all know, this city has more issues than Good Housekeeping and I having to tackle each and every one of them is the foundation of my platform… plus this:

1.    I wouldn’t take a salary and would donate that money to the food bank.

2.    I would live and stay put in this city for the duration of my term.

3.    I would never lie, misconstrue or evade in my communications.

4.    Period.

My first manner of leadership is to tell you things that you do not want to hear and institute policy that is for everyone’s good and safety. Such as, I see no need in our city to allow anyone to possess an assault or rapid fire weapon for any reason. If that pisses some people off--- so be it.

We have a civic vampire attitude running rampant through our city that’s sucking the life out of us all; therefore I propose that we stop making our city a suck city.  And I propose that we all let eachother know how we are bringing us down by saying something.

1.    If you mistreat your children, spouses or pets: you suck.

2.    If you litter, don’t recycle or conserve resources: you suck.

3.    Merchants, landlords and businesses that screw people: suck.

4.    You don’t vote: you guessed it.

5.    Inconsiderate, rude or abrasive? You so suck.

Okay, you’re riding to work and you see me doing something counterproductive to our city’s good name; you need to yell at me “Hey Phil…. You suck!” Period.

Next I would have a website called NOLApedia where you can get information about what’s going on in the city and why; such as  “what the heck have they been doing on Louisiana Avenue all this time?” or “Why do I see one city worker digging a hole in my street and why does it take six people to supervise him?” or “why do the public swimming pools close down in August,  what happened to free citywide WiFi  or why do we have solar trashcans and inadequate street lighting?” “What ever happened to the crime cameras that we were promised?” Stuff like that.

How about I base, as a cornerstone of my campaign, permanently repairing our streets? Would you like that? How about if your mayor and city council members personally answered your phone calls and your emails? You don’t keep up with what your elected leaders are up to? (you suck.) How about if I create a position in government called “City Mother” to look after motherly concerns like “how do I control that 14 year old that is terrorizing my chickens?”

How about a policy that makes a parent responsible for their child’s stupidity? How about if a mugger had to pay his victim’s inconveniences? What if the police were in shape and actually walked their beat and not segue? How about we ease the heck up on the Nazi parking policies?

Listen, (I’m told) there is a little known statute on our books called ‘proof of gainful employment’ (the vagrancy statute); the police have been using it for years to harass African Americans returning from work at night (betcha didn’t want to hear that one). If that’s true, why do we have the same vagabonds on the same corners of our neighborhoods and who are those people holding signs begging for money at our intersections and how can we really help them? Speaking of which, how come we don’t have licenses for street ‘entrepreneurs’ who make their living from the kindness of visitors and strangers (and have them file taxes like the rest of us)? And if we have enough legislation on our books to make us a great city, why are we not able to enforce these rules, like getting pets spayed and neutered (it IS the law).

Why do we treat our elders and disabled like they’re throwaway citizens? Why don’t we put a deposit on cans and bottles (and to go containers?)  And get rid of plastic grocery bags and all Styrofoam, while we’re at it.

I also propose things like putting into effect the raise in minimum wage that the voters voted for years ago and also to give minimum wage to hospitality workers. Restaurant owners won’t like that but, hey; there are more waiters that vote than owners, so what the heck. Also I would strive to create more jobs, and more jobs outside of the hospitality sector by citing that we don’t need more dishwasher and busboys---we need more carpenters, plumbers and electricians. What does that mean? That means that every kid does not have to go to college and get a degree in political science that will only be used in getting them a job in a restaurant.. We need vocational schools and we have places for them.

And yes, everyone in this city needs access to healthcare that’s affordable to their level of income (and NO compromise on that!). And on and on.

In short, I don’t want to live in a sucky city and I propose (with your help and cooperation) to lead us out of that. Heck after that I may run for governor so that our state doesn’t suck. And who knows, sometime in the future you may see a Presidential contender who is running on the platform of “We don’t need to suck as a country anymore!”