Valentines 2021

 

Po Boy Views

By

Phil LaMancusa

Valentine’s Truth

Or

Consequences

            “Peter, Peter, pumpkin eater, had a wife but couldn’t keep her; put her in a pumpkin shell and… she left him for Abe the green grocer.” Pete didn’t know what to make of it; he was completely surprised. Happy Valentine’s.

I knew a man once who drank after work well into the night while his woman slept so that she could get up early to exercise; I knew a woman who couldn’t grasp the meaning of fidelity and couldn’t understand why it bothered her fiancé. I know a headstrong man and a loving woman that would follow his ignus fatuus adventures with stars in her eyes until he exhausted her. I knew an intelligent woman that dumped her lover because he couldn’t read a sentence without moving his lips with the words.  I knew a good hearted woman in love with a good timing man.  I knew a lot of relationships that just did not work out because sometimes people are attracted to alternatives and because someone sees that what was enjoyable in the beginning of a relationship can get old and there’s more to life.

            Someone once told me that in a relationship of any kind “first comes love, then comes work and then love comes back” I have to admit that it took me a long time to stick around for that ‘work’ part. Ask any of my ex-wives. I’ve gone through most of my life headlong, leaving collateral damage in my wake until I gave up fighting myself; that may not make any sense to anyone but me, but finally I started paying attention.

Love goes away if you don’t pay attention to it; same goes for romance, both unique in their own ways and at many times at odds with each other. Research (mine) shows that while love (at times spelled with a capital ‘L’) can be viewed from an objective viewpoint, romance (also sometimes ‘R’) is very very subjective; what they have most in common is that when you have one, the other or both, if you don’t pay attention, nurture and foster their growth, they will simply go away. Romance is first to jump ship; love will stick around for a while and then get bored, distracted and head in another direction. You know this to be true, you just didn’t think about it this way. And by the way, Valentine’s Day is not a quick fix.

            Romance is spurred by impulse e.g. beauty, lust, sight, sound, taste, i.e. “he/she was humming that tune I love so much while cooking Pasta Arriabiata and dancing around the kitchen in that sexy way and I could have just……”  (you get the picture).

Love is when you wake up in crumpled sheets (hopefully not alone) with red sauce stains on the pillow still humming that tune.

            Now, about that paying attention stuff. A cavity in that rear molar, that leaky pipe under the bathroom sink and that little Screek! Screek! sound you hear when you apply the brakes will probably not be going away until you do something about them; conversely, the unfed cat, the untended rose bush, that wallet you left on the counter at the Seven-Eleven will, sure as shoot, not last long. It’s as simple as that. Live and learn or live and don’t learn.

            What do you do? What you do is what you should be doing, not only on Valentine’s Day with flowers, dinner and some heavy petting, but what you should be doing all year; paying attention. Pay attention to what you love and certainly, feed, tend and celebrate what you romance; read the signs and follow the breadcrumbs, the relationship you save, if it’s worth it to you, may be your own.  Paying attention means that you realize that people grow and if you don’t grow together, you can surely grow apart. 

            Little things and big things keep romance alive; taking care of yourself is the biggest; if you want to keep attracting, you have to be attractive. Next, if you can name counterproductive attributes that you have (be honest with yourself) and get rid of them; generally that’s another plus. Be ready to admit your weaknesses and your faults; it’s alright to be wrong and saying that you’re sorry only matters if you are ready to change your ways.

            Why am I on this rant? Because Valentine’s Day has special meaning to me and at this point, I can look back on my life and count them like railroad ties. Lately, I don’t count on nuthin’; there are so many variables in relationships that one slip and it’s down that slope.

            I have a theory that each relationship will attempt to teach you something and if you don’t learn, it’s on into the next one until you either learn how not to be such a ____ ____ ______ (fill in the blanks) you’ll keep missing the point and die lonely and alone.

            Now, if you don’t mind being alone, being your own best friend and getting in touch with yourself on those cold and lonely nights, have at it; most of us miserables like a little company.

            That’s my story and I’m stickin’ with it; now go out and make reservations at a romantic spot, buy expensive flowers or maybe some trinket or other, a card would be nice that says “Roses are red…” or some such rot. I’m satisfied that I’ll only get what I deserve.

            My Valentine’s present will be when she says to me “you know, Honey, we don’t need those things, it’s Valentine’s Day every day for us”. Happy Valentine’s Day Y’all!