Po Boy Views
Peas and Quiet
Congratulations, you’re finally at a point in a relationship where-- as imperfect as you both are—you’ve decided not to give up on eachother as friends, mates, partners in crime and/or lovers. Quite possibly all of the above. You’ve made the decision to take that leap of faith and commit yourself to another person come hell or high water. Don’t blush. It’s been done before and once this deal has been made, simply, bravely and unconditionally, it just might work; then again, what do you know? Haven’t you (like so many of us) been wrong before? Mirror, mirror…
At one time I thought that people paired up this time of year so that they wouldn’t have to go through the holidays alone, you know, the romance that begins around Thanksgiving and ends after Jazz Fest; when they see themselves basking in sunlight, a hot oiled body in tight revealing swimwear and you’re not part of the selfie? I know, I know; I was insecure, suspicious and untrusting about love. Then again, I was young and not vary trustworthy myself…
Now, here’s your holiday advice: be suspicious, insecure and untrusting about love; you should ask yourself some questions, the main one being, will those things about them that you see as special become a pain in the ass come, say, in six months time? Will you be their really big catch or just their next BTN (better than nothing) until the holidays are over? Are you/ they/ I such a big friggin’ catch and who are we kidding? Will the pleasure that we get from eachother possibly grow stale (for at least one of us) and this ‘togetherness’ fizzle out? Will the sky always be blue? Do catfish have kittens and what’s love got to do with this? Oh, blah, blah blah, you big baby; here’s your Uncle Phil’s wisdom on this very tender subject:
Take it from me, the first stage of coupling is usually friendship or lust, the next stage is usually insecurity by and about both partners each in their own definitions and by turns; I find it quite natural for a person to question whether a new romantic liaison is based on facts or fantasy and wonder if the other person is hiding some gigantic insanity that will eventually surprise them in the shower with a butcher knife and scary background music.
Then again, on the whole, life is like that--all new beginnings are like that. A little apprehension is natural: a new book, food, friend, pet, watering hole, vehicle, or if, when the great guy that has been selling you pot for years has to go away and has left you the phone number of another place to score, it be’s like that. Who knew that you’d love raw oysters, yearn for a turn table and some LPs, want to ever drive a Lincoln Towncar or bounce to Big Freedia? Who knew that after that initial ‘come on’ at the saloon, coffee shop, book signing or that run in on the produce aisle over the Romaine lettuce that you would wake up in the bed with them and want to take it a step further? And who the heck knows what that other person thought and is possibly thinking about on that--turtle breath, hair a mess and lingering love odor--morning after? Does that smile mean ‘hey, that was great, let’s do it again some more’ or does that sheepish grin hide a ‘what is that troll doing in my bed (or you in theirs), what was I thinking and how do I get out of this?’ Where are my (their) clothes?
Or, you know, this could be the beginning of a wonderful affair, an affair to remember, an affair that may go somewhere and is worthy of ‘rounding out’? Finding what else y’all have in common, how y’all feel about things in general and whether you can see your way into friendship, understanding, mutual respect, silly joking and more of that stuff you tried the night before that gave you that Charlie horse in your upper back and made you both giggle to tears.
If that’s the case jump in with full faculties and take the ride for all it’s worth, possibly a fling and nothing more; but worth finding out about. in other words, see what it’s like being friends more than anything else, lovers next and see if, when the moments of passion have passed, and you find that you can still stand each other, maybe even to the point of wanting to keep and stay seeing each other, then maybe you should take that chance.
So, you’ve found what appears to be ‘The One’ and coincidently, just in time for that family gathering, office party, big game or pot luck at Sylvia’s house (you know, that friend of yours that’s always asking when you’re gonna settle down and get a squeeze that’s not a sleaze). What now?
In the words of Ernie K. Doe “pay attention!” Listen a lot. Take walks. Don’t take anything for granted and be honest with yourself and them. Do not, ever, rely upon your former experiences to rule current decisions. Learn likes and dislikes and learn to be alone together. Sing in harmony. Take it easy, take it slow, take the chance. Think of it as another opportunity to go shopping for presents (yay!). Congratulate yourselves.
The holidays are upon us and it’s good to have someone to share the sanity and the insanity of it all with. After all, we all know how much trouble we can get into by ourselves, huh?