Monday, November 16, 2015

Peas and Quiet

Po Boy Views
Phil LaMancusa
Peas and Quiet
Intimate Quietude
            Congratulations, you’re finally at a point in a relationship where-- as imperfect as you both are—you’ve decided not to give up on eachother as friends, mates, partners in crime and/or lovers. Quite possibly all of the above. You’ve made the decision to take that leap of faith and commit yourself to another person come hell or high water. Don’t blush. It’s been done before and once this deal has been made, simply, bravely and unconditionally, it just might work; then again, what do you know? Haven’t you (like so many of us) been wrong before? Mirror, mirror…
            At one time I thought that people paired up this time of year so that they wouldn’t have to go through the holidays alone, you know, the romance that begins around Thanksgiving and ends after Jazz Fest; when they see themselves basking in sunlight, a hot oiled body in tight revealing swimwear and you’re not part of the selfie?  I know, I know; I was insecure, suspicious and untrusting about love. Then again, I was young and not vary trustworthy myself…
            Now, here’s your holiday advice: be suspicious, insecure and untrusting about love; you should ask yourself some questions, the main one being, will those things about them that you see as special become a pain in the ass come, say, in six months time? Will you be their really big catch or just their next BTN (better than nothing) until the holidays are over? Are you/ they/ I such a big friggin’ catch and who are we kidding?  Will the pleasure that we get from eachother possibly grow stale (for at least one of us) and this ‘togetherness’ fizzle out? Will the sky always be blue? Do catfish have kittens and what’s love got to do with this? Oh, blah, blah blah, you big baby; here’s your Uncle Phil’s wisdom on this very tender subject:
Take it from me, the first stage of coupling is usually friendship or lust, the next stage is usually insecurity by and about both partners each in their own definitions and by turns; I find it quite natural for a person to question whether a new romantic liaison is based on facts or fantasy and wonder if the other person is hiding some gigantic insanity that will eventually surprise them in the shower with a butcher knife and scary background music.
Then again, on the whole, life is like that--all new beginnings are like that. A little apprehension is natural: a new book, food, friend, pet, watering hole, vehicle, or if, when the great guy that has been selling you pot for years has to go away and has left you the phone number of another place to score, it be’s like that. Who knew that you’d love raw oysters, yearn for a turn table and some LPs, want to ever drive a Lincoln Towncar or bounce to Big Freedia? Who knew that after that initial ‘come on’ at the saloon, coffee shop, book signing or that run in on the produce aisle over the Romaine lettuce that you would wake up in the bed with them and want to take it a step further? And who the heck knows what that other person thought and is possibly thinking about on that--turtle breath, hair a mess and lingering love odor--morning after? Does that smile mean ‘hey, that was great, let’s do it again some more’ or does that sheepish grin hide a ‘what is that troll doing in my bed (or you in theirs), what was I thinking and how do I get out of this?’ Where are my (their) clothes?
Or, you know, this could be the beginning of a wonderful affair, an affair to remember, an affair that may go somewhere and is worthy of ‘rounding out’? Finding what else y’all have in common, how y’all feel about things in general and whether you can see your way into friendship, understanding, mutual respect, silly joking and more of that stuff you tried the night before that gave you that Charlie horse in your upper back and made you both giggle to tears.
If that’s the case jump in with full faculties and take the ride for all it’s worth, possibly a fling and nothing more; but worth finding out about. in other words, see what it’s like being friends more than anything else, lovers next  and see if, when the moments of passion have passed, and you find that you can still stand each other, maybe even to the point of wanting to keep and stay seeing each other, then maybe you should take that chance. 
            So, you’ve found what appears to be ‘The One’ and coincidently, just in time for that family gathering, office party, big game or pot luck at Sylvia’s house (you know, that friend of yours that’s always asking when you’re gonna settle down and get a squeeze that’s not a sleaze). What now?    
            In the words of Ernie K. Doe “pay attention!” Listen a lot. Take walks. Don’t take anything for granted and be honest with yourself and them. Do not, ever, rely upon your former experiences to rule current decisions. Learn likes and dislikes and learn to be alone together. Sing in harmony. Take it easy, take it slow, take the chance. Think of it as another opportunity to go shopping for presents (yay!). Congratulate yourselves.
            The holidays are upon us and it’s good to have someone to share the sanity and the insanity of it all with. After all, we all know how much trouble we can get into by ourselves, huh?


Happy Holidaze

Po Boy Views
Phil LaMancusa
Happy Holidays
Mirror Mirror
Sheesh! Can you believe that it was end-of-September when we started seeing the first Thanksgiving and Christmas displays erupting in stores like so much garish pustules, nudging aside the Halloween and Back to School detritus? I mean, it was still almost ninety degrees and sunny and they’re decorating with autumn leaves and Santa hats. Do I really live here?
This time of year has been commercialized out the wazoo, the expense, the pressure, the shipping and shopping, sidestepping and slam dancing through commercial venues not to mention the social obligations that you’re guilt-tripped into fulfilling or finding a plausible excuse not to. You’ll not get a full night’s sleep or a day’s rest from now until the thirty-second of May. ‘Tis the season to be stretched on the emotional rack to the limits of your patience, finances, endurance and abilities to meet expectations.
That said, you don’t have time to be pessimistic, especially around the holidays! I’m not gonna let you; this season will come and go, with you or without you, and there will be, unfortunately, no do-overs. Take a deep breath. You may as well make the best of it, suck it up and get in the spirit!
It’s the season to reconnect with family, friends, running mates and bartenders. This here time of year is what’s considered ‘the social season’. Years and years ago when dinosaurs ruled the French Quarter and Creole planters ruled the economy, you know, when stuff was simpler, we didn’t work all the friggin’ time. We took time off to act like true New Orleanians, placing more emphasis on enjoying the time that we have before we shuffle off this mortal coil, and less like acting like those hardworking barbarian Americans.
And so, in the spirit of channeling your inner Creole nature, I give you now your perfect holiday season senario:
Of course your employment circumstances allows you to take time off to enjoy this holiday, before, during and after; for what good is having a Thanksgiving feast if you’re not around for the traditional leftovers. Including the ubiquitous turkey gumbo? Transportation will be a breeze--I say this because it would be silly to put the burden of entertaining on yourself--planes, trains and skates will all be on time and in line.
You and your loved ones will be met by Uncle Billy in his cool 60’s station wagon and whisked to Grandma’s house where you’ll see smoke coming from the chimney and a bit of frost on the ground; she’ll greet you at the door, wiping her hands on her apron and brushing a tear from her eye. She’ll remark on how big everyone has grown.
Inside the house, the smells of hot chocolate and fresh baked cookies will permeate the air, it’s all warm and cozy and you settle in, your rooms are ready and the feast is not long in coming… perhaps a glass of port?
Aunts, uncles and cousins arrive with covered dishes and make themselves at home (in the kitchen), the bird is stuffed and cousin Dave makes a run for ice and the cranberry sauce that’s traditionally been forgotten up until this point. Dave comes back smelling of cigarette smoke and whiskey (of course). Aunt Rose brought her holiday Ambrosia and Sister Clair has brought the fixings for eggnog and her four kids who will be put to work setting the tables.  
The dog has been sniffing around the kitchen door and the cat is still in hiding; soft holiday music  is playing from the corner and everyone misses Grandpa who used to play the piano for company; he knew all the songs.
You herd your gang upstairs to freshen up and the towels are fluffy and the bathtub pipes groan with the hot water that comes frothing out… Etc etc etc.
Or not. Face it, there’s a lot out there that really sucks about our world and it can get you grim. Disasters of natural and manmade causes. Every broken commandment and law can weigh on your heart and happiness, you can see danger in every doorway, hear defamation in every conversation and misfortune in everyone’s circumstances.
So your holiday spirit might flag and conditions may not be idyllic, it can’t always be ‘over the river and through the woods’ for you; but, you know, if you allow your mind to shift into that holiday spirit sense, that walk up to Canseco’s for the forgotten can of Ocean Spray, a sneaked smoke and a quick one at CafĂ© Degas can transform every day into a holiday. Trust me. Your neighbors become your family, Liuzzas By The Track and Pal’s become your second home, doing laundry at the Washateria becomes a social occasion and you stop to pet and learn the names of the canines and felines on your street.
In other words, sure it’s the holidays and everything might not be Donna Reed and Jimmy Stewart…. unless you allow your world to be full of all that is positive and festive. If you listen to your elders, and surely you should, you ought to choose those to listen to that have a good outlook on life. They’re the ones who will point out how special it is to be alive, how you can find beauty in all things and how the holiday season stretches from equinox to equinox, solstice to solstice and all points in between.
Here’s your words of wisdom: “Today is a holiday, have second helpings and eat more cranberry sauce”.