Monday, February 1, 2021

Restaurants 101

 

Po Boy Views

By

Phil LaMancusa

Restaurants 101

Or

The Right Stuff

        As we all know (or should), there is the fear of 50% of New Orleans restaurants closing mostly forever because of the pandemic (nola.com), and that gives you, my optimistic entrepreneur in a fit of spontaneous enthusiasm, the chance to exercise an innate inclination to open your very own bistro, trattoria, cafĂ©, joint, beer garden, boite or gourmangerie. The word from your culinary visionary, advisor and all around restaurant consultant (me) is “consider”.  

        Just because you make a dynamite Bolognese, Tarte Tatin, Vegan Seitan Bourguignon or have the inside track to the next greatest raging collective culinary epiphany doesn’t mean that you’ll be able to make a go where/when others have failed--statistically about 60% in the first year and 70-85% in the first five years (cnbc.com). Unless. Unless you are a wizard with mathematics, have money to invest expecting little chance of return and are willing to give up your life and free time for the more than foreseeable future you’re in for a major heartbreak, my friend. Consider.

        Purchasing a defunct restaurant is logistically sane because the location is mentally ingrained in eater’s consciousness; especially considering that the three most important considerations of opening any restaurant are generally location, location and location.  If it is in an average or so so location you’ll spend about $2,500 per seat to purchase (40 seats = $100,000.00) if you’re lucky. This will not include the rent; this is where you walk into a place and tell the previous owner “look, I’ll give you a hundred grand to turn it over to me”. For a functioning restaurant you’ll pay more or usually the equivalent of a year’s profits. Purchasing something existing and believing that you can make it better is called a “blue sky” investment. If you look at taking an empty space and turning it into your dream eatery, figure on $5,000.00 a seat for the location not counting your rent.

        Rent. Consider your rent will be 5% of your income; if your rent is $7,500.00 a month, you’ll have to take in $150,000.00 a month (I speak from professional knowledge, experience and failure in this field). Get a long lease with an option and beware the ‘triple net’, which is where you pay also the upkeep, maintenance and insurance on the property aside from the business. Don’t forget to register the lease at City Hall to cement it in legally.

        As you peruse your space, after learning the rent, count your tables and seats. Let’s get back to those 40 seats; at $150,000.00 a month income each seat will need to bring in $3,750.00 a month; we’re talking real estate here. Here’s where mathematics becomes mind blowing. Dinner only? Lunch and dinner? Take out and/or delivery? Six days a week or seven? Weekend brunch? Menu prices, average check, liquor license, counter service. How much are you willing to spend on labor, food cost, and ambiance?

        Next: identify your customers; who are they, where are they coming from, what do they want and how much are they willing to spend? Will you consider media presence, advertising, billboards and/or sending out flyers? How will you get customers to notice you? Celebrity chef, two for ones, happy hour, catering, early bird dinners, live music, free beer and hand jobs?

        Hiring and training staff: once you’ve decided how many you need; this is a real challenge. Do you have a manager? Hire one that you’re sure that you can tell what to do and not the other way around, your dream should have but one boss: you; right or wrong, it’s you that will take it in the shorts should you go down the tubes. Get someone that you can bounce your ideas off of that can advise you when it’s time to get back in the box. Encourage input but retain veto power. You may want to avoid hiring relatives.  Hire only the malleable and career minded, no one too young (immature) or too old (may know too much); I know it’s not fair, but reality sucks, get the young, eager, and full of body fluids, you’re building a team here. If the culinary business wanted experience and wisdom, I would be employed out there; obviously that (hiring veteran service workers) is something the industry as a whole shuns, so, it must be a tenet or something.    

Pay people fairly and reward loyalty; consistently treat everyone, from lowest to highest, with respect and let all know that you expect their best. Lead by example, don’t micromanage, be firm and sensitive and most of all don’t flaunt your position. Learn to do everyone’s job; yes, even the dishwasher. Create passion. Be careful of what you say at all times and how you say it, you’re an example, so be a righteous one.

Get a good office staff or at least a qualified accountant to keep track of all the pennies; learn to read the numbers, numbers don’t lie. Remember that volume covers a lot of sins and things will look good when you’re busy, you’ll tend to count the dollars and forget the pennies; but beware, let pennies slip and dollars follow.

Always have a resident maniac on duty and a nag in the office, keep eyes on everything all the time, insist on accountability from anyone involved in anything; listen to staff unrest with mindfulness.

I’ve worked in food service all my life and believed that I would until my last breath, and when I hear of another closing it’s like a death in the family; I’m looking forward to eateries roaring back after this is over. New Orleans has an appetite for life and needs to be fed. Hopefully rents will be reasonable so that you can forge ahead and be part of the wave of maniacs that against all odds will take us to the next level. I’m counting on you and that monster spaghetti sauce.

Valentines 2021

 

Po Boy Views

By

Phil LaMancusa

Valentine’s Truth

Or

Consequences

            “Peter, Peter, pumpkin eater, had a wife but couldn’t keep her; put her in a pumpkin shell and… she left him for Abe the green grocer.” Pete didn’t know what to make of it; he was completely surprised. Happy Valentine’s.

I knew a man once who drank after work well into the night while his woman slept so that she could get up early to exercise; I knew a woman who couldn’t grasp the meaning of fidelity and couldn’t understand why it bothered her fiancĂ©. I know a headstrong man and a loving woman that would follow his ignus fatuus adventures with stars in her eyes until he exhausted her. I knew an intelligent woman that dumped her lover because he couldn’t read a sentence without moving his lips with the words.  I knew a good hearted woman in love with a good timing man.  I knew a lot of relationships that just did not work out because sometimes people are attracted to alternatives and because someone sees that what was enjoyable in the beginning of a relationship can get old and there’s more to life.

            Someone once told me that in a relationship of any kind “first comes love, then comes work and then love comes back” I have to admit that it took me a long time to stick around for that ‘work’ part. Ask any of my ex-wives. I’ve gone through most of my life headlong, leaving collateral damage in my wake until I gave up fighting myself; that may not make any sense to anyone but me, but finally I started paying attention.

Love goes away if you don’t pay attention to it; same goes for romance, both unique in their own ways and at many times at odds with each other. Research (mine) shows that while love (at times spelled with a capital ‘L’) can be viewed from an objective viewpoint, romance (also sometimes ‘R’) is very very subjective; what they have most in common is that when you have one, the other or both, if you don’t pay attention, nurture and foster their growth, they will simply go away. Romance is first to jump ship; love will stick around for a while and then get bored, distracted and head in another direction. You know this to be true, you just didn’t think about it this way. And by the way, Valentine’s Day is not a quick fix.

            Romance is spurred by impulse e.g. beauty, lust, sight, sound, taste, i.e. “he/she was humming that tune I love so much while cooking Pasta Arriabiata and dancing around the kitchen in that sexy way and I could have just……”  (you get the picture).

Love is when you wake up in crumpled sheets (hopefully not alone) with red sauce stains on the pillow still humming that tune.

            Now, about that paying attention stuff. A cavity in that rear molar, that leaky pipe under the bathroom sink and that little Screek! Screek! sound you hear when you apply the brakes will probably not be going away until you do something about them; conversely, the unfed cat, the untended rose bush, that wallet you left on the counter at the Seven-Eleven will, sure as shoot, not last long. It’s as simple as that. Live and learn or live and don’t learn.

            What do you do? What you do is what you should be doing, not only on Valentine’s Day with flowers, dinner and some heavy petting, but what you should be doing all year; paying attention. Pay attention to what you love and certainly, feed, tend and celebrate what you romance; read the signs and follow the breadcrumbs, the relationship you save, if it’s worth it to you, may be your own.  Paying attention means that you realize that people grow and if you don’t grow together, you can surely grow apart. 

            Little things and big things keep romance alive; taking care of yourself is the biggest; if you want to keep attracting, you have to be attractive. Next, if you can name counterproductive attributes that you have (be honest with yourself) and get rid of them; generally that’s another plus. Be ready to admit your weaknesses and your faults; it’s alright to be wrong and saying that you’re sorry only matters if you are ready to change your ways.

            Why am I on this rant? Because Valentine’s Day has special meaning to me and at this point, I can look back on my life and count them like railroad ties. Lately, I don’t count on nuthin’; there are so many variables in relationships that one slip and it’s down that slope.

            I have a theory that each relationship will attempt to teach you something and if you don’t learn, it’s on into the next one until you either learn how not to be such a ____ ____ ______ (fill in the blanks) you’ll keep missing the point and die lonely and alone.

            Now, if you don’t mind being alone, being your own best friend and getting in touch with yourself on those cold and lonely nights, have at it; most of us miserables like a little company.

            That’s my story and I’m stickin’ with it; now go out and make reservations at a romantic spot, buy expensive flowers or maybe some trinket or other, a card would be nice that says “Roses are red…” or some such rot. I’m satisfied that I’ll only get what I deserve.

            My Valentine’s present will be when she says to me “you know, Honey, we don’t need those things, it’s Valentine’s Day every day for us”. Happy Valentine’s Day Y’all!