Another Valentine not published

Po Boy Views

By

Phil LaMancusa

Black Coffee

Or

Blue Valentine

February holidays come in all shapes and sizes. Groundhog Day, Super Bowl, Valentine’s Day and of course we’ll be swinging into carnival time 2014. Punxsutawney Phil and those fine young warriors in tight suits and protective gear will dominate the first part of the month. There will be at least forty parades between the fifteenth and the end of the month. That being said, this discourse will hit upon that remaining holiday that is always memorable for me; one way or another.  

Valentine’s hits on the ides of February and herewith I’ll set down my versions and visions of love for your contemplation, edification and consideration. Who am I to set down this info? Me. The guy that’s loved not always wisely or well and compounded his experiences with twenty-twenty hindsight and an incredible sense of love’s illusions that he recalls. One might say… from both sides.

Here’s the way I view love these days: you’re hungry and you’re broke; do you look for a job or do you go begging for food? Think about it. Or… you have a croissant and seven pats of butter; do you only use the amount of butter that it takes to cover the finite area or do you slather that stuff on hoping to get equal parts, by weight, of the buttery baked subliminary and that golden grease? Do you push yourself away from the Thanksgiving table or do you loosen your belt and tuck in for seconds and (hopefully) thirds? Do you like your whiskey straight, your cigarettes unfiltered, your coffee fully caffeinated and your chewing gum with sugar? Do you shy away from diet sodas? I do and always have and that’s the way love has come into my life; solid hit passionate or bloody and bruised, drive it like you stole it or spend time in the doghouse because you f**ked up again. And, I’ll tell you, living that way is nothing to be proud of or one I’d recommend; it’s a cat on a hot tin stovetop; it’s a runaway train called Desire; it’s a boy with a loaded gun.

When I was younger, I used to think that it was in my blood; as I got older I suspected that it was all in my pants. Now I don’t think at all and that’s because it’s all out of my capability of perception. Am I the kind of man that wants to fall in love? No. Am I the kind of man that can’t keep from being in love? Yes and eventually to the detriment of myself and others.

I’ll tell you firstoff, I am a man that loves women; always have. I love their softness, their roundness, their complete uniqueness, their complete power package. I feel that it was a wise god(dess)  that made all women different from one another. Has this gotten me in trouble? Have I been made to pay dearly for this flaw in my makeup?  Is there something psychologically wrong with me? Yes, yes and probably so.

And, and here’s the big AND, it comes at a cost. The simple fact is that by loving more than one woman at a time—and I have been guilty of that-- and in my experience-- a man will eventually lose all but one and he’ll be lucky if there is one left. Women are different, they are embrace loyalty, they’re set in their ways, they make up their own rules, their made of tougher clay and when they’re crossed… they turn … really mean. They never forget a conversation or anything that you’ve said/done and never hold back from regurgitating verbatim with red rimmed eyes that reflect revenge and with raindrops falling from their eyes as they rage inside; a man that crosses a woman literally has hell to pay.  The person that talks about the equality of the sexes has it completely wrong: women are far superior; of course it takes some time before a female realizes it but once they do, the guy who pulls shyte on a gal will find himself being fed ground glass, being woken from a sound sleep to be screamed or cried at and find himself standing out in the rain and cold Bogarting those cigarettes that he professed to have quit years ago. In short, when you’re wrong with a woman, you’re wrong with the world. Cold blue steel and sweet fire.

Would I have it any other way? Does that keep me on the straight and narrow? Did that deter me from finding another good woman when I already had one waiting at home? Am I a jerk, fool, bastard, liar, cheat, fraud, cad and ass? Maybe, no, no and yes.

And then comes Valentine’s Day. The day that us men usually try to spoil them women; as a man, if you forget Valentine’s Day you are literally dead meat. It’s also right after Valentine’s that women will start shopping for another man, but that’s a different story for a different time. Dinner, flowers, jewelry, proposals, candy, cards, chocolates and, a man had better go the whole nine yards if he wants to get special attention from his beloved. What do women give men for Valentine’s? Special attention. It’s pretty much up to the man to make the fuss; it’s a holiday for the women. Go on; correct me if I’m wrong; I dare you.

            Why? Because I believe men instinctually subconsciously believe that they’re not deserving of love and are probably guilty of something. Is that cold? Did I just make all that up? Is any of that true? Yesnomaybe so. If anything this Valentine’s Day, I’d like you to pay attention and evaluate the entire enchilada. Good luck.