Po
Boy Views
By
Phil
LaMancusa
V-DAY
Or
Love’s
Labor Lost
Once
upon a time there is a woman of a certain age, smart and sensible, that, while
munching pralines, considered it time to (maybe) get married, settle down, buy a
car, write a book; you know, a renovated house, double wide stroller, rescue
puppy, organic shopping future. What can you say? It happens. Her name:
Valerie.
She was deeply in love with a man named Will; he made her
laugh, they danced in the moonlight, made sweet love under the stars. But, Will
couldn’t be predicted or corralled; with so many directions to choose from, his
attention couldn’t fully focus on one. He couldn’t keep a job for very long;
not that he was ever lazy or disliked, it was just that he would get distracted and decide to do something
else, like help a friend build a boat or volunteer at a shelter. He excelled in
academia yet completed few courses-- when class was in session-- he was more
than likely off watching the river or listening to crickets. He was the eternal child, a young Pan, and she
wanted to hold him fast, settle him down, be his Wendy; but that would have
meant that Will would have to grow up; she knew that if he did mature she would
lose the man/child that she loved by him becoming someone that he was not -- at
the cost of his happiness and freedom.
She met Robert at a company picnic. He was the opposite
of Will; he worked as a finance broker, had a great education and bright
future. He was politically correct and active in community affairs. He wanted a
wife, children and everything that came with it; security, responsibility and
hard work. He brought her to meet his parents who fell in love with her and
accepted her into the family circle without reservations. Robert took her to
theater, society gatherings and restaurants of high regard. They spent weekends
at his parent’s country cabin. He adored her and told her so often. He wanted to plan a spring wedding and a
honeymoon abroad floating down the Seine, sipping champagne and making love. He
called her his Goddess and soul mate. She was ever reminding herself that he
was financially stable, serious and practical; he was also good looking and
fit. He was as different from Will as
night and day, and she was at odds as to whom she would rather spend the rest
of her life with.
And then there was Jill. Street smart, wise cracking, gum
chewing, baseball slugging, platinum hued crew cut Jill. Tall, slender, take
charge persona with a ‘don’t f*ck with me’ attitude and smooth caramel colored
skin; she was also head over heels in love with Val. Jill worked in real
estate, she made beaucoup bucks selling houses and condos to fools who had too
much money and would soon be parted from it. Together they went out at night to
clubs, slammed shots, smoked cigarettes and dissed male bipeds with abandon. They dressed eachother, danced together and
had even kissed once. Jill had told her that they could make a perfect permanent couple if Val could only
‘loosen up’ and let things happen between them. Valerie was conflicted but
flattered.
In fact, being the center of attraction to three, yes THREE, special people made
her feel like a princess in a fairy tale; she felt conspicuous in her
attractiveness, graceful, luminous… alive.
“Unfortunately”, she mused “they
all like spinach and artichoke dip”; Valerie had been to a drunken high
school party in her early teens where after a point the only thing that she
remembered was throwing up huge quantities of bits and pieces of spinach and
artichoke dip. Ever after, just the mention
of the stuff was enough to turn her off. AND, they (all three) were “forever ordering the friggin’ sh*t wherever
they went!”
Even so, on Valentines when all three proposed marriage,
it wasn’t easy to decide. First of all Will wanted them to hop freighter to
Amsterdam, buy a mini-bus and go hook up with gypsies, pick grapes in France,
figs in Spain, run weed to GIs in Kabul. He told her how he pictured her in
peasant dresses by some forest firelight dancing barefoot while breastfeeding
their children.
Robert told her that they would marry at Grace Episcopal,
he had chosen the bridesmaid’s dresses; they’d move into a high-rise condo in the
city and build their little getaway place in the ‘woods’ right next to “Mum’s
and Da’s”. Robert had already picked out their children’s names, sexes and
schools. He was going to make sure that everything in their lives would be
nothing less than perfect.
Jill’s offer was the most tempting: buy some property in South Beach, open a gay night club and spend the
rest of their lives “like them dudes from Birdcage!” Val was tempted, she
was sorely tempted; thoughts of children, sanctuary and security fled. So did the gypsy lifestyle, gallivanting and
roughing it, “I’m not attracted to living with dirty feet and bathing outdoors;
I’m also not cut out for life in a gilded cage”. However-- she decided-- a permanent decadent lifestyle was
something that could surely float her
boat.
She mused into the night and into the wee hours, got a
few hours sleep, packed a bag and left a note for her roommate “Dear Sal, --- been great--- sell, keep, or
give my stuff away; rent’s paid until the first. I’m outa here!” And that she was.
What
happened to Val? She moved (by herself) to New Orleans and lived happily ever
after. Happy Valentines y’all!
