Thursday, December 3, 2015

Rinse and Repeat

Po Boy Views
Phil LaMancusa
Rinse and repeat
Borax Brotherhood
Few sights can inspire thoughts more demoralizing than your pile of laundry waiting to be done. There it sits, in salacious solidarity and communal sang froid; there you are, semi-mesmerized, in conflicted contemplation, confronting a lump of sweaty fabric friends as they repose in that hamper, closet, drawer or laundry bag purloined from your summer restaurant gig. Face fear, ya gotta do the wash.
The bed linen that has comforted your midnight thrashings; the pillow cases that have held your dreams; the socks and stockings that have seen your wanderings (and perhaps do some wandering of their own); the silks, satins and nylons that have witnessed your flirting; handkerchiefs and washcloths that wiped your tears and running nose; towels that know their way around your body like a lover; your  skirts and slacks that have been your trusted vehicles as you roam from pillar to post;  ‘fun to wear’ underwear that know all your dirty little secrets; your work clothes, play clothes and the ones with a bloodstain you’d sooner forget about . Yours, all yours, almost living in sin themselves as they stew, awaiting the pleasure of your cleaning them, the holy washing, folding and sorting; a John the Baptist christening, resurrected and ready for  new adventures. You stare, you sigh, you speak: “it’s time.”
The more blessed of us live with access to washer/dryer combos in our abodes. The rest of us know the true meaning of the word shlep, since not many laundromats, washaterias or coin washes have adequate, if any, parking spaces. We also learn the meaning of the word (in)dignity; for our laundry is evidence—in full view-- of how we live and what we live in. A confessional where we must all come clean before we leave this place, this temple of wash and dry.
To my way of thinking, a ‘soap and suds’ joint is proof of universal regeneration. We bring in our soiled, exploited lives and come away… purified. Of course-- as in all cleansings-- it all must start with change.
Quarters mostly, that we’ve saved or will procure from the change machine. Unlike George Carlin, when we put a dollar in the change machine, something is going to change. The evil spirits of soil will depart (permanent stains excepted); smart money will wash once a week, whether they need to or not, I don’t know too many of those people. Usually the rest of us have our ‘bottom of the closet’ outfit where, we know, that when this particular garment has to be worn, it is damn sure time to bite the bullet.
Some people will take their time and sort the laundry before washing (colors, whites, darks), others-- and everyone at some time-- will just throw the lot in the biggest washer and let God be the judge on who comes out appropriately clean. At times we all have thrown that new red bathrobe in with everything and as a result have worn one shade or another of the color pink for the rest of the social season. It happens.
If you perchance would say that “it all comes out in the wash”…well, you’re right; and, who amongst us has not had the experience of ‘finding something’ from a pocket that wasn’t checked before wash day; money; gum; a ballpoint pen; that phone number (beyond recognition) of the cutie that you met at Vaughn’s last week?
I’m one of the people who like to take my time doing laundry and I bring a book, snacks and my ever evolving patience; however, sometimes I do the wash on the fly and multi-task my buns off with the clothes getting short shrift.  In a perfect world, here I am relaxing in the sun with a copy of War and Peace while my whites have a party in one machine, my colors are reenacting the musical Oklahoma in another and the darks are doing whatever darks do when they’re left to their own devices. All are looking forward to that last rinse and spin before the tumble dry sauna… happy happy fabrics all. I admit, sometimes I’ll catch myself staring into the dryer while the colors, darks and whites dance in an orgy of patterns and traces, their juxtaposition of shapes and hues like a flashback to the sixties; when, alas, I DID inhale. Then: “Time’s up, pencils down! Everybody out of the pool and into the basket for sorting and folding, c’mon guys, let’s take it to the bridge!”
And so, to the folding. Okay, I used to be the guy who threw everything together and got the hell on out, folding, shmolding. Now, in a state of near Buddhist compassion all gets settled and honored; I become one with my cleanliness. No, of course I don’t pair socks or fold my dainties. I wouldn’t dream of eliminating the search and rescue mission every time I grope those drawers. The socks rarely match, I hate wearing them and they’re always losing themselves, knickers are always ‘grab and go’. Period.
Ah. but the perfectly folded piles of towels, hankies, tees, and trousers. Folding a fitted sheet is a lesson in humility….can’t do it.  Getting it all back in my shopping basket (the ones that most geezers use) and laundry bag (also freshly washed) is an engineering feat, just as extracting them from those vehicles of conveyance, with any semblance of skill or organization, a miracle.
But the job is done, I trundle home, careful not to spill, proud of myself and my clean stuff. I’ve watched a section of humanity go through the same cleansing ritual, the dirty dancing ebb and flow of fabrical states of consciousness. All is right with the world.

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